1 And it came to pass when the bros of the world began doing it on a regular basis after having skipped the mandatory sex ed seminars required by the campus administration, and so daughters were born to them.

2 Then the "sons of God"* saw these women, these daughters of the bros, while they were shopping at Sephora, and they matched on Tinder with as many of the women as they could.

3 And God, the Supreme Bro, said, "I cannot keep micromanaging these Earthly bros, because they are human beings and prone to mistakes, and so I will limit their lifespans to a hundred and twenty years."

4 As a result of the unprotected sex between children of these "sons of God" and the daughters of the bros (I suppose everyone skipped the mandatory sex ed seminars) came to be known as the Neopronouns. The Neopronouns were mighty creatures who inspired awe, terror, and confusion on campus.

5 And God saw that the douchebagery of the bros was too great for the campus of Earth, and that the bros only cared for their own needs and not the well-being of their fellow bros and classmates.

6 And the Supreme Bro regretted that creating the bros on Earth, and God became sad asf.

7 And the Supreme Bro said, "I will cancel the bros, whom I created, from upon the face of campus. Not just the bros, but all the living things on campus, from the bros to the barely-paid assistant professors to the housing administrators to even the part-time students who commute from home, for I regret that I made them."

8 But Noah found favor in the eyes of God, he was bussin'.

9 Noah was a righteous dude who was ate amongst the bros; Noah was a stan for God.

10 And Noah had three sons: Shelmet, Ham-&-Cheese-Sandwich (hmmm, yum), and Jumpluff.

11 Now the Earth was gagged before God, and the campus became full of ick.

12 And God saw the state of the campus of Earth, and saw that it had become out of pocket, for the bros had become salty.

13 And God said to Noah, "I will cancel the bros, for I have caught them on 4K, and behold, I am suspending them from campus.

14 I'll Venmo you money so you can buy yourself the necessary material to make a yacht. This yacht - this "ark" - will be made of hyphae. You shall make the ark with plenty of guest rooms, and you shall make each room soundproof so those within can use their speakers without disturbing others.

15 And here are the measurements you shall use to make the ark: three hundred blocks for the length, fifty blocks for its width, and thirty blocks for its height.**

16 You shall make a sunroof for the ark, make it at least one block high. Put the entrance of the ark on the side, but give it Tesla handles to make it look cool. Give the ark three floors, with guest rooms on each one.

17 And I, behold I will turn on the fire sprinklers on campus to bring about a flood, water upon the Earth, to chase off the bros from campus. All life on campus will have to go home, and they will be forced to finish the rest of the semester at home on Zoom.

18 And I will make a promise with you - a covenant... a "bro-venant". You, your wife, your children, and your children's families will go to the ark. 

19 And two of each living thing that is found on campus shall also be brought onto the ark as well. Bring one male and one female of each living thing.

20 Take 2 of each living thing on campus - the pigeons that poop on the ground outside the cafeteria, the squirrels that sometimes throw acorns at you while you walk to class, the emotional-support dogs that you hug on before mid-terms - bring 2 of them to bring with you on the ark to preserve their species.

21 And you should take every food that you know of in the cafeteria with you onto the ark so that you, your family, and the living things can survive. Take the pizza bagels, the avocado toasts, the granola bars, the ice cream bars, and all else to eat. But make sure you're kinda sneaky when you do so, otherwise the cafeteria staff will look at you kinda weird."

22 And Noah did everything that God commanded him to do. Noah slayed.

The End of Chapter 6

*You might be wondering, who are these "sons of God" that the Bible refers to? Well, there's a big debate within and between Jewish and Christian groups, as the original Hebrew is somewhat unclear. Some believe the term refers to angels, while others think it refers to evil kings. Some think it refers to corrupted sons of Seth who married daughters of Cain. Look, I dunno - all I know is that these "sons of God" had a lot of sex, and meanwhile I'm writing this alone by a desk in a cold basement. 

**Noah and his sons were avid Minecraft players, so God used a measurement system that Noah and his family would have been familar with. 

Read the previous chapter here.